In relationships we get angry, we say things that we don’t believe, we suffer because we don’t feel loved.
All couples are fighting and most of them come to an end. Statistics became alarming, so psychologists started a really counter-offensive for saving modern marriages.
"Love is all you need" says that famous Beatle's song.
Love stories claim that love defeats everything.
We are raised into a culture of love, convinced that love is all we need to have in order to be happy next to the one we love, until death will tear us apart. This approach of life based on romanticism is beautiful but at the same time naïve.
At least that’s what psychologists claim and, to be honest, real life doesn’t seem to confirm this fairytale vision.
Loving with true passion is really a blessing.
But for building a relationship that works even after decades you need more that.
If the future of your relationship worries you the find out that you are not the only one: no one denies nowadays that we leave in a though world for a couple.
More than half of the married couples lead to divorce, but no one seems to understand why marriages nowadays became so fragile.
Moreover, it seems that we don’t learn much from this because 60% of the couples that marries the second time divorce again!
How two people in love come to break up?
There is in psychology a theory of top risk factors that can lead to this.
There are static factors (personality, age, religion, divorced parents etc.) and dynamic ones (incapacity of communicating aggresses etc.).
Experts say that static factors are inevitable, but they alone can't lead to a break up.
On the other hand such as bad communication make the most victims.
According to the experts, there are 4 signs that indicate a bad communication:
escalading (the tendency of letting conflicts to explode), invalidation (when you always attack the weaknesses of your partner), negative interpretation (or thinking what's worst about your partner) and avoidance (when one or both partners retreat and refuse to discuss about a conflict).
The best way to defend against breaking up is to learn how to discuss in contradictory without fighting.
Instead of yelling at your partner, try to tell him calmly what bothers you.
Don't let conflicts to accumulate and make the habit to discuss once a week.
For instance, establish Friday afternoons, at a coffee, for making a schedule for weekend and sharing responsibilities and for discussing the issues that you had that week.
Then, each of you can say "look, it bothers me that..." or "it hurt me when you said/did that".
It's very important to succeed in verbalizing your negative emotions in a calm way.
Discuss about your problems as if they were another's.
The simple thing of exposing an issue means to systemize it. Many times, exposing an issue and discussing about it leads you to the solution by yourself.
Experts claim that, mostly, emotional distance between partners and not the conflicts determine if a couple will evolve or self-destroy.
After all, there is no couple without conflicts.
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